The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 19

Because we’ve shamefully, woefully neglected our look at what’s funny in the funny pages for too long. So here goes!

“Classic Peanuts” finds Lucy railing at Charlie Brown and telling him to put up his dukes and fight. Chuck raises one hand and hits Lucy in the nose. He feels so guilty he goes to his psychiatrist – Lucy, of course – and when she punches him, he happily announces, “I don’t feel guilty any more. Psychiatry has cured me!” There are so many levels to this comic – criticism of psychiatry, the male/female dynamic, etc – but I think my favorite element is the simple little “BOP!” when Charlie Brown’s fist comes into contact with Lucy’s nose. That and the little stars that shoot out.

“Baby Blues” made me laugh. One of the kids reports to mom that Wren, the baby, is crying. The mom asks if she seems hungry or needs a diaper change or other issues. When those are discounted, mom asks the kid to go to the baby and “give her some encouraging words.” Those words? “Man up, Wren.”

“Garfield” offers proof the strip isn’t reprinting old strips like “Classic Peanuts.” Garfield and Odie are sitting at a table, taking turns buzzing and vibrating. “Stop texting each other,” Jon orders.

Finally, in “The Family Circus,” the kids are watching TV and mom is putting food on the table. “Yeah, okay, Mommy. We’ll be there as soon as we finish watching this commercial.” And the joke is?

 

 

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 16

Hey kids! It’s our recurring look at what’s funny (or not) in today’s funny pages. Cause “Tarzan and the Fire Gods” certainly wasn’t the high point of the newspaper comic reading experience, was it?

“Classic Peanuts” looks, at first glance, to be some kind of cruel joke about the visually impaired. Lucy walks around wearing dark, dark sunglasses, bumping into a fence, tree and finally Charlie Brown on the pitcher’s mound. “Take off those stupid glasses!” He yells. “But I just had an eye exam and my pupils are still dilated!” Lucy shoots back. Not really.

“Zits” has another of those odd ones in which the online activities of teen Jeremy are seemingly manifested in real life. The phrase “mind-groping” is used. This one is a PG-13 strip.

In “Baby Blues,” Dad has to take the kids to the pool. “Why can’t we just get clean in the bathtub like other kids?” Zoe asks. The whole thing makes me wonder: Who is misunderstanding the nature of public pools, Zoe or Dad?

Okay, “Pickles” made me laugh. The old guys are standing in the yard, looking at a tree. “It doesn’t look like I’m going to get any apples off this tree again this year.” They talk about how five years have passed without apples and how “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago.” The frost might have killed early blossoms. Also: “Plus, we think it might be a plum tree.” Good stuff.

In “The Wizard of Id,” the Wizard’s wife is trimming a tree that’s saying things like “Ouch.” It’s a tree with a face! It talks! Like those trees in “The Wizard of Oz!” Is there a vegetable-rights equivalent of PETA?

“Speed Bump” shows two eight balls talking. “Magic? No, I prefer the term ‘consultant,'” one says.

“Curtis” is excited about the new crop of summer movies and his Dad seems to be too. Then Dad wanders off to bed. “I didn’t catch on to the sarcasm until it was too late,” Curtis says.

And finally, “The Family Circus” settles in to watch TV. But everybody is talking, talking, talking. “Turn up the volume, Daddy — there’s too much talkin’ going on ’round here.” Out of the mouths of couch potatoes!

 

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 15

It’s a very special time! No, Calvin, not bath time! It’s time for our regular look at what’s funny in newspaper comic strips. Because surely all the fun didn’t go out of the funny pages when Opus left “Bloom County” for other pastures?

In “Classic Peanuts,” Charlie Brown uses Snoopy as a substitute for his kite. Snoopy doesn’t end up in a tree, but he does crash to the ground with a “crunch.” Then Snoopy wakes up and realizes he was having a bad dream. Posthumous points to Sparky Schulz for the surprise and the visuals.

Speaking of Calvin, today’s “Baby Blues” made me smile as the kids quiz Dad about where his car keys are, how you start the car and long his nap was expected to last. Shades of “Calvin and Hobbes” letting the car roll down the driveway and into a ditch.

And speaking of trouble-making kids and meta humor: In “LiO,” the protagonist blows a hole in the panel of the comic with a bazooka (!) and Hagar the Horrible peers through. Nice!

“Dilbert” gave me a warm feeling. Wally outlines his plan for his career. Wonderful.

“Blondie” finds Dagwood, armed with a bow and arrow, hunting a ham. It’s a “Hunger Games” joke. Get it? Sigh.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 14

Our regular look at newspaper comic strips. Because surely modern-day comics can top “Superman” building a guy a house!

“Classic Peanuts” shows Snoopy rooting for his “bird tenants” to learn to fly. Once again, Snoopy is surrounded by little blue birds. I just have no memory of any birds, besides little yellow Woodstock, in the strip.

In “Baby Blues,” the kids are jumping on the furniture and calling it “parkour.” Until mom puts a stop to it, that is. Boo, mom!

“The Wizard of Id” finds the king talking about debt. Another political commentary? No. After talking about the kind of debt we can never repay, the king places a wreath on a war memorial. Nice.

After Memorial Day tributes to vets in “Doonesbury” and “Mallard Fillmore,” the military-set “Beetle Bailey” is about … golf.

“Crankshaft” is about that other Memorial Day tradition, the cookout. “It looks like Crankshaft is about to light his grill! Quick! Into the cookout shelter!”

And … OMG you guys! “The Family Circus” brings us another “Billy taking a circuitous path someplace that’s shown to readers as a dotted line!” His mom tells him to hurry to put some letters into the mailbox.

So he hurries out of the room …….. goes through the kitchen and stops at the sink …. hops over his sister on the couch ….. circles around the dinner table …. wanders through the family room …… hops into the baby’s playpen and then hops out ….. goes out the front door …… circles through the front yard a few times … before he gets to the mailbox and calls back to mom, “Too late, mommy! We just missed him!”

I have one comment for the mother: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

For what it’s worth.

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 13

Our regular look at what’s funny in the funny pages. Because surely “Rex Morgan, MD,” didn’t take the prescription for fun with him when he left?

In “Zits,” the mom tells the teenage son to bring all the dirty dishes from his room and he comes back with a towering stack. “Zits,” the first documentary comic strip.

In “Baby Blues,” the parents watch while their daughter fails at soccer. A nation of Saturday-morning soccer parents winces.

“Speed Bump” shows us two Grim Reapers talking about another, who is wearing one of those annoying “Life is Good” T-shirts over his robe. “I worry about that guy,” one of the reapers says. Amen, brother!

“Dilbert” and “Blondie and Dagwood” address those people at work who drive us crazy: The sociopaths in disguise and the people who don’t give us recognition for our good work. Sometimes they’re one in the same. Sometimes they’re us. (Is that too meta?)

In “The Family Circus,” Mom drills one of the little tykes to say “May I watch TV please, Mommy” panel after panel, then says, “No. You need to get your homework done.” And people wonder why grown children don’t visit their parents in retirement homes.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 12

It’s our weekly look at what’s funny in the funny pages. Because surely we’re still enjoying the “tip of the hat” from “They’ll Do It Every Time.”

“Classic Peanuts” gets an “awww” from us this Mother’s Day. Charlie Brown calls Snoopy to the phone. It’s Snoopy’s mom on the other end of the line. Snoopy sniffs and Charlie notes, “On Mother’s Day, you should have called her.” What do you want to bet we’re going to get a lot of Mother’s Day premises today?

Once again, “Baby Blues” hits the target as the kids watch clouds, spouting the scientific names for the types. Dad says somebody invented a lot of new cloud names since he was in school. Mom says, “Probably the same guy who keeps coming up with new ways to confuse me about math.” Right there with ya!

Finally, a good “Wizard of Id,” and it’s a Mother’s Day gag. The king’s mom comes for Mother’s Day and Rodney persuades the king to let his mom be queen for a day. The end result is the king is in irons, hanging in “Wizard of Id’s” Amnesty International-approved dungeon.

“Pickles” has old guy Earl making a BLT but using the dog snacks Beggin’ Strips instead of bacon by mistake. Finally the comics page addresses the societal problem of old people being forced to eat dog food.

Can anybody explain today’s “Speed Bump?” A rainbow leads to a pot of gold. A man finds it and the leprechaun offers his treasure … a french fry? I just don’t get it.

“Hi and Lois” addresses Mother’s Day, of course. Hi notes that Lois doesn’t want anything for Mother’s Day but to be left alone in bed. Marital counselor on speed dial?

“Dennis the Menace” marks Mother’s Day by that age-old gag of male incompetence in the kitchen. Dennis and his dad burn all the bread trying to make toast — in a toaster, for frak’s sake — and burn the eggs. Guess what? the family goes out to eat, just like in “Blondie and Dagwood.” Authorized and paid for by the National Restaurant Association.

Finally, you thought “The Family Circus” would have some maudlin Mother’s Day panel, didn’t you? The strip begins with PJ crying in a store. “I’m right here, PJ,” mom says from nearby. “Heh-heh — Just checkin,'” PJ thinks. When did PJ become that round-headed kid from “Family Guy?”

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 11

It’s time for our weekly look at newspaper comics. Because surely the funnies didn’t stop being funny when ads for Camels ran alongside “Blondie and Dagwood.” Hey kids! Cigarettes!

“Classic Peanuts” finds Charlie Brown walking along after the little red-haired girl. Chuck is walking seven blocks behind her, fantasizing about what it would be like to walk along with her, go into her house with her, talk with her. Oh, Chuck. You’re cute and pathetic even when you’re being a stalker!

In “Baby Blues,” each parent wakes up with alarm in the middle of the night, accusing the other of scratching with nails. Turns out its Hammie down under the covers, hiding out from a monster in his room. “How did he get past your deadly toenails?” Dad asks. Too true!

Furthering understanding between couples everywhere, “The Wizard of Id” features the wizard’s wife complaining that he never listens to her. The wizard zaps her, freezing her in place, and goes out drinking with friends. He returns and zaps her back into motion again, where she continues her rant. “I love being a wizard,” he thinks. I think: This strip is going to be clipped and put on the billboards of couples counselors everywhere.

“Lio” and “Speed Bump” feature good sight gags. It’s book report day at school and Lio gets thrown out of class for choosing “The Exorcist” over “Winnie the Pooh” or “Goodnight Moon.” And in “Speed Bump,” it’s a road kill truck, rather than an ice cream truck, that draws all the vultures along a stretch of desert road.

“Hi and Lois” shows Lois beating her rugs with a broom because things “get so dusty over the winter.” Neighbor Thirsty’s wife borrows the broom and heads toward Thirsty, a murderous gleam in her eye. Too late for couples counseling here — call 911!

“Hagar the Horrible” tells us doctors play golf.

In “The Family Circus,” one of the kids takes Barfy for a walk. We’ve talked about this before, I’m sure, but Barfy? Really? Did they name the cat Spray Urine on Furniture?

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 10

In which we look at today’s comics page offerings. Because we can depend on “Batman” for all our laughs anymore.

“Classic Peanuts” shows Charlie Brown’s frustrations when his all-girl outfield leaves during a game to attend a tea party. Snoopy comes to the rescue with a bunch of blue birds. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Snoopy with any birds besides Woodstock before. I’m a little concerned about their relationship.

“Baby Blues” shows the harried mom picking up toys. Ooops, she put the baby in the toy box. The expression on her face in the last panel perfectly captures parental guilt and the feeling of “Did anybody notice that?”

“Garfield.” Two words. Projectile spitting.

“Blondie:” Dagwood uses Earth Day as an excuse not to mow the lawn. What’s the final panel? If you guessed Dagwood on the couch … you’re read “Blondie” before.

“Curtis” has an idea for a different kind of zombie movie. Instead of attacking people and eating brains, the zombie is an annoying houseguest: He leaves the refrigerator open, accidentally deletes his host’s iTunes playlist and … leaves a toe in the breakfast cereal? I can’t count the number of times that’s happened.

Another Earth Day message from “The Family Circus.” The family stands on top of a hill, looking out over a landscape. “God does a lot of coloring in the spring, doesn’t he?” Dolly says. Awww!

 

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 8

Our weekly look at the Sunday funnies. Because surely the best comic strips didn’t set sail with Prince Valiant?

“Classic Peanuts” gives us Charlie Brown vs. the Kite-Eating Tree, Part 127,423. Charlie taunts the “stupid tree,” avowing that it won’t get his kite this time. What does the tree do? It “wumps” over onto the kite. Look at it this way, CB: The tree’s roots are pulled out of the ground, so surely that’s the last time this will happen, no?

“Baby Blues” finds the parents worried that the kids haven’t uncovered all the Easter eggs. They do … except for the one left over from last year. Mercifully, it was on the porch. Otherwise, you know, I think they would have noticed it before now.

“Pickles”: Grandpa advises Nelson not to take it personally that Gramma is grouchy. “We need to be slow to judge others, though, son,” Grandpa says. Then Gramma comes in, announces “I believe these are yours,” and throws dirty laundry all over Grandpa. Funny.

“Lio” shows the little boy wishing for a companion. The Good Fairy turns his doll into a real boy, ala Pinocchio. Final panel: The newly created boy is doing Lio’s homework. Good, very “Calvin and Hobbes.”

I literally laughed out loud at today’s “Dilbert.” A female office worker asks Wally to lunch. He tells her he’s become “digisexual” and is no longer attracted to people. “I only like technology. People creep me out. You’re basically a delivery system for viruses, germs and unreasonable favor requests. I’m willing to take a picture of you, but that’s as far as I’ll go.” he says. “This is the most disturbing conversation I’ve ever had,” she says as Wally snaps a picture. “Thank goodness for photoshop,” he says.

In “Blondie,” Dagwood gives us our second Easter egg hunting joke, finding his treat in the attic. Not a lot of laughs, but it’s topical!

“Foxtrot” brings the Easter funny as the kids dye eggs in a manner that turns the egg inside funny colors, thus convincing kids at school that they’re eating rotten eggs when they takes egg salad sandwiches for lunch. Funny, but do kids take egg salad sandwiches to school anymore? Do kids even eat egg salad anymore?

And it’s the return of Ghostly Grandpa in “The Family Circus.” The spectral ancestor shows baby PJ where to find hidden Easter eggs: On a step (that’s just asking for a smashed egg), under a bush, behind a trash can. Then Grandpa’s ghost lifts PJ up into a tree so he can get one there. Now, let’s think about this for a moment. Grandpa’s ghost lifts PJ up. How can he do that? How can he touch PJ, no less lift him? And what would the rest of the family think if they saw PJ suddenly floating up into a tree, aided by invisible Grandpa? I think the Keanes just wrote the script for the “Poltergeist” reboot.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 6

It’s that time again. Time to check out the funny pages. Because newspaper comics aren’t all about Mutt and Jeff!

Classic Peanuts: Linus and Snoopy are searching all over the yard for … Snoopy’s contact lenses? Who knew? And how do they get him to sit still for that puff-of-air-in-your-eye test at the optometrist?

Baby Blues: The baby crawls around the house, burbling “mama” and “choo-choo.” He passes Dad, who’s just hit his finger with a hammer and is making those comic strip #@!$& curse words. The baby then crawls up to mom and repeats the word. Mom faints. As a parent, I can tell you this is pretty accurate.

Speed Bump: A doctor tells Pinocchio he needs more fiber in his diet. So wait, Pinocchio eats wood? I mean, I know people eat meat and all, but isn’t Pinocchio eating the material he was carved from — but no longer is — strange? Maybe it’s me.

Beetle Bailey: Sarge gets mad because Beetle is sleeping late and goofing off. Welcome to 1963.

The Family Circus: Mom wakes up Jeffy and tells him, “Time to start another busy day. Clock’s ticking away!” Then Jeffy — get this — pictures a clock with him doing stuff on it! My face hurts from this satisfied smile.