Category Archives: movies

Big easter egg in ‘The Avengers?’

Did writer/director Joss Whedon include a huge easter egg/teaser for future storylines in “The Avengers?”

That’s the theory circulating online since earlier this week, when Quint wrote a geeky, fun piece on aintitcool.com about one of the most dramatic plot points in “The Avengers” and what it might mean for the future of the movie series.

If you haven’t seen the movie yet, read no further.

Okay?

The dramatic turning point in the movie comes when likable SHEILD agent Phil Coulson is killed by Loki. Coulson (Clark Gregg) is impaled on Loki’s scepter. His death gives the Avengers a rallying point — something to avenge.

SHIELD’s Nick Fury heightens the sense of loss by showing Iron Man and Captain America Coulson’s bloody Captain America trading cards. SHIELD agent Maria Hill later notes privately to Fury that Coulson’s cards couldn’t have been bloody because they were in his locker at the time of his death. Fury is a master manipulator, no doubt.

But is Whedon?

After word got out that Whedon assembled his cast following the Hollywood premiere to shoot another scene, some Internet message boards indicated it was a scene in which the Avengers would gather in Tony Stark’s lab to turn Coulson into the Vision, the classic Avengers android character created by Ultron, longtime Avengers enemy. (Of course, it was the enjoyable “Avengers assemble … to eat” scene.)

Quint expands on the “Coulson as Vision” theory by noting that the movie makes passing reference to Life Model Decoys, the robot duplicates SHIELD created in the comics, as well as noting that not once but twice in the movie reference is made to Coulson dating a cellist.

Who’s a cellist in Marvel Comics, according to Quint? Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch, sometime Avenger and ultimate wife of … the Vision.

Like the earlier rumors that Spider-Man would be in “The Avengers,” this line of reasoning is just too geeky, too fun, to possibly be true.

Right?

 

After ‘Avengers’ — What we want from Marvel movies

We’ve all seen “The Avengers” by now. Some of us have seen it twice. “Iron Man 3” comes out next year, followed by “Thor 2” and, inevitably, another “Captain America” movie and an “Avengers” sequel.

So what else do we want to see from Marvel Comics-based movies?

Carried to extremes, the fan wish list could include a Marvel Team-Up movie featuring Aunt Petunia and Aunt May. (Surely Marvel has published that comic book?)

So here are some reasonable requests:

Iron Man and the Hulk: Apparently, until just before “The Avengers” opened and moviegoers saw how much fun the Green Goliath could be in the right (Joss Whedon’s) hands, Marvel didn’t plan on making another “Hulk” movie. After two misfires (although I liked the Edward Norton movie just fine), the studio couldn’t get the Hulk right.

Well, Whedon realized that the Hulk is best when used judiciously. Mark Ruffalo was great as Bruce Banner and his mo-cap performance as the Hulk was terrific. But Hulk was a supporting character in “The Avengers.” So why not make him a supporting character in someone else’s movie? And although “Iron Man 3” is probably pretty well defined by now, surely there’s room for a couple of scenes of Banner and a couple of Hulk-outs? After all, didn’t “The Avengers” show Banner and Tony Stark leaving together, presumably so Stark could show the sympatico scientist his R&D facility?

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Leading up to “The Avengers,” there was a lot of speculation about who would play Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne, the loving, bickering adventurers who, as Ant-Man and the Wasp, were founding members of the Avengers in the comics. Heck, socialite Van Dyne even gave the team its name.

So the characters didn’t appear in “The Avengers.” An Ant-Man movie might be in the works, but the characters don’t appear headed for the big screen anytime soon. Which is too bad. Wasp could be a very fun female role that’s very different from Black Widow. And Pym is a natural, especially considering his multitude of sizes and identities: Giant Man,  Goliath, Yellow Jacket. This must happen!

The Vision: If you have Henry Pym, why not the Vision? Pym’s murderous robot creation, Ultron, created the Vision as a means of killing the Avengers. Turns out the Vision preferred to side with the good guys, however. Over the years, Vision, in his distinctive red-and-green-and-yellow outfit, became one of the key members of the group and fell in love with, and married, the Scarlet Witch. The Vision is like Spock and Data from “Star Trek” — only cooler, if that’s possible.

Dr. Strange: There’s been rumblings of a movie featuring Marvel’s sorcerer supreme for a while now. Since magic — or at least otherworldly science that can pass for magic — has been established in the on-screen Marvel universe, there’s no reason this mystical adventurer wouldn’t fit.

Superhero cameos, AKA rooftop encounters with Spidey: Marvel’s animated version of its super team, “The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes,” has introduced an expanded Marvel universe that live-action movie fans can only dream of: On the Disney XD series, the Avengers regularly run into other New York-based heroes like the Fantastic Four. One episode from the first season showed the Avengers rumbling on the NYC streets with some bad guys when, out of the blue, the Human Torch and the Thing show up to help.

It’s the casual world-building that I loved about Marvel when I was a kid, the idea that all these Marvel characters shared the same universe. With the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man owed by other studios, it’ll be tough to pull off crossovers.

But we can dream, can’t we?

 

The road to ‘The Avengers’ (part two)

Sixty years after the “Captain America” serial debuted in 1944, another Marvel movie milestone occurred: The aborted release of “The Fantastic Four,” a low-budget movie (co-produced by the legendary Roger Corman). Made to perpetuate rights to Marvel’s first family, the movie was pretty bad. While the cast and crew apparently thought it would be released and a premiere was announced, the movie was shelved. Today it is legend to some and reality to others who have bought bootleg DVD copies at comic book conventions.

For a while it seemed like Marvel’s heroes were destined for low-budget life only. Then “X-Men” was a hit in 2000, followed by “Spider-Man” two years later. The characters, as well as the Fantastic Four, were sold off by Marvel to different companies, though. While Sam Raimi made two good “Spider-Man” films, “Fantastic Four” and its sequel were lackluster enough to make fans crazy. After decades of no big-screen adaptations, were Marvel’s heroes fated to live only through erratic, variable-quality movies?

And would fans never see a unified Marvel universe onscreen?

At some point, Marvel decided to take the best of the properties it still had film rights to — Iron Man, Captain America and other longtime Avengers stalwarts — and knit a coherent universe.

The “Yes!” moment came in 2008 with the release of “Iron Man.” Sure, before Jon Favreau’s movie there had been references to the larger world of Marvel characters, notably on computer screens in the “X-Men” movies. Fun “Easter eggs” maybe, but with no hope of follow-through.

At the end of “Iron Man,” Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) returns to his home and finds Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) waiting for him. Fury tells Stark he’s not the only superhero in the world and tells him he’s there to talk about “the Avengers initiative.”

By that point, fans knew that Marvel had big plans for their universe. Soon, each movie would build toward “The Avengers.”

A long four years followed, but fans were rewarded with some fun movies. “The Incredible Hulk” in 2008 was, I thought, a terrific movie, with good Hulk action but also exciting scenes, including one in which soldiers pursue Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) through a South American slum.

The Hulk movie continued — even amped up — the Avengers foreshadowing. Spymaster Fury didn’t reappear but SHIELD was all over the movie, as it had been in “Iron Man,” and Downey Jr. appeared as Stark at the end. Maybe best of all were the references to the “super soldier” program that created Captain America, as Hulk’s nemesis the Abomination was created in part because of the same serum that, decades earlier in the comics, made Steve Rogers Captain America.

Between them, “Iron Man” and “The Incredible Hulk” made for a great one-two punch.

“Iron Man 2” dug deeper into SHIELD and the Marvel universe two years later. SHIELD was fully staffed by this point, with not only Fury and Agent Coulson returning but Natasha Romanov (Black Widow, played by Scarlett Johansson) showing up. Cap’s shield was even on hand, in Stark’s lab.

We found out why a year later, when the summer of 2011 brought fans “Thor” and “Captain America.”

The two movies almost felt like two chapters of one story. Although “Thor” took place in Asgard and the present day and “Captain America” took place in the 1940s (with a modern-day framing device) the movies integrated the Avengers building blocks. SHIELD agent Coulson and references to other characters, notably a veiled reference to Gamma scientist Bruce Banner, were sprinkled through “Thor,” while “Captain America” put the Red Skull in search of the Cosmic Cube, a treasure from the armory of Odin, Thor’s father.

The two movies didn’t have the impact of “Iron Man,” perhaps, because the earlier film took so many people by surprise. But “Thor” and “Captain America” are so strong, so entertaining and so thorough in their establishing of “The Avengers” that they exude confidence.

By this point, Marvel was confident enough of its plans to end the movies not only with surprise extra scenes but James Bond-style “Captain America will return in The Avengers” slides.

Even while DC Comics was floundering, releasing a half-hearted “Green Lantern” movie that clumsily introduced Amanda Waller, a Nick Fury surrogate, and couldn’t get “Dark Knight” director Chris Nolan to agree to let his Batman character exist in the same world as the rest of the Justice League, Marvel had established its world.

The long road led to “The Avengers.” The movie comes out this week. Early reviews are very positive, and Marvel seems confident enough to continue to build its movie universe.

 

 

 

The geek years of our lives: 1982

I’ve noted before in this space that 1977 was a pivotal year for movies. Two words: “Star Wars.”

But just as 1939 is a golden year for movie lovers, 1982 is a golden year for geeks. Maybe never before and maybe never since have so many milestone movies been released in a single year, many of them in the summer months alone.

I was reviewing movies that year — I had begun four years earlier and did it for another eight years, so it was prime moviegoing time for me — and even then I realized we were seeing something special.

As the 30th anniversary of this pivotal year rolls around, the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema is holding screenings of many of the movies. I can’t make those showings, but I’ll probably watch a few on disc. In the meantime, here’s my little look back.

“Conan the Barbarian” — The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie was one of the first movies I saw through the press junket process, going to Chicago to see it and interview the cast and filmmakers. But even without that, I recognized the movie for what it was: The rare moment when Hollywood got the sword-and-sorcery genre right. There are some cheesy effects, to be sure. But the world of the pulp barbarian hero came to life.

“The Road Warrior” — I had seen George Miller’s “Mad Max,” the dire action thriller starring Mel Gibson as a cop in a lawless land, but it was small in scope compared to “The Road Warrior.” Like “Conan,” “The Road Warrior” quickly defined its genre. All the elements were in place: A nihilistic hero with a heart; truly menacing bad guys; a varied and fascinating collection of good guys; stunts like movies had never seen before.

“Poltergeist” — This movie, directed by “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” director Tobe Hooper and produced by Steven Spielberg, was like the “Mirror Mirror” universe take on the suburban world given to us a few weeks later when director Spielberg released “E.T.” After decades of old dark house horror movies, the “haunted ranch house” tale told in “Poltergeist” seemed as fresh as could be.

“Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” — While I really enjoyed the J.J. Abrams “Star Trek” reboot from a couple of years ago, the fact remains that Abrams, other moviemakers and all of fandom still believes that Nicholas Meyer’s take on Gene Roddenberry’s classic space opera is the one to emulate. And why not? Meyer brought a sharp military take to the familiar characters, pushed them through their paces in a quick-witted, thrilling plot, injected a ton of humor and tragedy and gave us one of the most heart-pounding climaxes ever. To this day, I remember the “Does Spock really die?” rumors before the movie opened, with fans eagerly anticipating/dreading the answer.

“E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial” — Sure the ending is marred by one of those “ohmygod he’s dead, no he’s not” resurrections. But time has probably dimmed our recollection of how simultaneously sweet and tart this movie is. The kids were cute but had realistic anti-sibling mean streaks, the mom (Dee Wallace. Sigh.) was a barely-hanging-in-there abandoned woman and E.T. himself was a great creation. It deserved to make a ton of money.

“The Thing” — Man, what a great horror flick. Director John Carpenter was on a roll with “Halloween,” “Escape from New York” and this, making him the most subversive director working and one of the most crowd-pleasing. Think about the endings to those movies for a minute: “Halloween” ended by establishing the boogeyman really existed. “Escape” ended with the protagonist, played by Kurt Russell, deciding “the hell with it” and destroying a tape that could save the world. And “The Thing” ended its cold and nightmarish story with a man versus alien creature showdown — featuring Russell and Keith David — that couldn’t have been more harsh.

The two last movies of the summer of 1982, “Tron” and “Halloween III,” were lesser lights, but how could they not be? “Tron” left enough of an impression to spawn a sequel nearly 30 years later. And “Halloween III” was a noble experiment that ultimately failed. Rather than try to top John Carpenter’s original, the movie’s producers went for a whole new story, about a fiendish plot to sacrifice millions of children with Halloween monster masks. “Three more days to Halloween!” was the earworm TV commercial jingle of the year. I just wish the movie had found an audience.

What a year.

‘Incredibly Strange Creatures,’ great memories

My companion, who is now long gone but shall remain nameless anyway, was itching to hit a zombie in the head with a baseball bat.

“If somebody comes at me, they’re gonna get it,” he said, showing me the baseball bat that was well-hidden under some blankets.

I don’t remember the year, but it must have been the late 1960s or early 1970s. The occasion was the re-release of “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies.”

If you don’t remember this movie milestone, I’ll refresh your memory.

Ray Dennis Steckler was a maker of ultra-low-budget movies in the 1960s. He also acted in some of his movies, under the stage name Cash Flagg, probably because he could afford his salary.

In 1964, Steckler directed “Incredibly Strange Creatures,” which was released by Fairway International Pictures. Fairway released a handful of movies in the 1960s, including this and director Arch Hall’s “Eegah,” in which teenagers encountered a caveman. Of course. It was the 1960s and Hollywood had discovered what a potent box-office force teenagers could be. So teenagers were encountering everything from Frankenstein to giants to … well, you name it.

Fairway’s best-known movie was undoubtedly “Incredibly Strange Creatures,” in which teenagers encountered … not a caveman, but zombies at a carnival.

Stecker — er, Flagg — and other patrons of the carnival are hypnotized by a fortune teller and turned into crazed killers. For good measure, the fortune teller splashes acid on her unwilling slaves, giving them disfigured faces to match their murderous instincts.

By the end of the movie, the … well, sort of strange creatures had broken out of their cages and taken vengeance on their carnival captors.

That’s where my companion’s baseball bat came in.

At some point during the surprisingly durable theatrical lifespan of the movie, either during its original release or its subsequent re-release as “Teenage Psycho Meets Blood Mary,” Fairway or someone had the ingenious idea of selling the picture by offering something that TV couldn’t compete with.

Not 3-D. Not Smell-O-Vision.

Real life zombies, running loose in the theater (or more likely, considering the low-budget nature of the movie) the drive-in.

Or, as the ads put it:

“Not for sissies! Don’t come if you’re chicken!”

“Not 3-D but real FLESH and BLOOD monsters ALIVE! in the audience.”

“NO ONE WILL BE SAFE! THEY MIGHT GET YOU!”

“We dare you to remain seated when monsters invade audience!”

In theaters where the movie played, the management made its ushers wear cheap monster masks and, in the scene when the monsters rebelled and broke loose on screen, the hapless theater employees would run up and down the aisles, screaming and frightening moviegoers.

Except for my companion, who had made up his mind to brain one of the zombies if this outbreak occurred.

Really, he understood that “real zombies” — stop and think about that phrase for a moment — would not be rampaging through the aisles of the drive-in.

But just in case …

Anyway, my memory of the movie is fairly dim all these years later. But my memory of that baseball bat and the threat of violence in the aisles remains vivid.

No, nobody got hit with a baseball bat that night. Zombies — in this case undoubtedly the teenage employees of the drive-in — did rampage, but none got close enough to us to warrant a good beating.

Thank goodness. Beating up teenage zombies with a baseball bat during a movie that’s been acclaimed as one of the worst of all time isn’t something you want on your record.

 

Here’s the ‘Cabin in the Woods’ whiteboard

Here, on the heels of my entry about “The Cabin in the Woods,” is a shot of the whiteboard from the movie.

If you’ve seen the movie, you know the lab geeks running the horror show from behind the scenes have a whiteboard listing all the monsters possible in various scenarios at the cabin. “Giant snake,” “Deadites,” “Hell Lord” and — best of all — “Kevin” are among the choices.

A few online sites have posted this shot of the whiteboard. Here it is, for your viewing pleasure.

Wouldn’t it be cool if “Kevin” was not some Jason or Freddy figure but just some annoying guy from down the street?

‘Cabin in the Woods’ a fun thrill ride

A lot of people are comparing “The Cabin in the Woods,” the new thriller, to other movies that simultaneously exploited, explored and expanded on horror film themes, notably “Scream.”

But besides being better than “Scream,” “Cabin” reminds me more of a grown-up and bloody “Monsters Inc.,” the Pixar animated movie about a company that specializes in giving kids nightmares with monsters under their bed and in their closet.

Since I didn’t see “Cabin” until a week after it opened, I’m going to assume anyone reading this has either seen the movie or heard the basic story by now. So there might be some spoilers ahead. I won’t spoil the ending, though.

“Cabin” was written by “Avengers” director and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” creator Joss Whedon and directed and co-written by Drew Goddard. On the surface, it plays like a “Friday the 13th” throwback: A group of college students — a jock, a stoner, a brain, a shy girl and a slut — go to a remote cabin to party.

From the very start, though, the audience knows something else is going on. The group is being monitored by office monkeys/scientists in a war room-style bunker. Not only are the watchers seeing everything that happens as the five get to the cabin; they’re manipulating the players and events. Gas is pumped through vents that prompts the partiers to behave in particular ways. A mild electric shock runs through the handle of a knife to make the person holding it drop it.

A few spooky things happen in the cabin — not the least of which is the uncharacteristic behavior of the five — but the movie shifts into high gear when they venture into the cabin’s basement and find hundreds of old and obscure items, including a necklace, reels of film, a studded metal ball (more than a little reminiscent of the mechanical nightmare box from the “Hellraiser” movies) and a diary of the former occupants of the cabin.

The partiers choose — and seal — their fate when they become engrossed in the diary, even reading aloud a passage in Latin. It is here when the movie seems most like “Scream,” as the stoner warns against reading the words aloud. He’s seen enough movies to know what might happen.

Before long, the long-dead cabin occupants have crawled out of their graves and begun stalking the teens.

Of course, it is the lab scenes that set “Cabin” apart from the “Evil Dead” films. We quickly find out that the lab workers are monitoring the goings-on at the cabin — as well as other sites around the world — and causing terror and mayhem. The reason? They’re servants of the ancient, Lovecraftian gods, the old ones, that once dominated the earth. And they know that bad things will happen if those gods aren’t appeased by their sacrifice.

The lab workers are also the source of much of the film’s humor, which is as crass and mean-spirited as it is funny. The scientists, led by Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins, are cold-hearted (mostly) and unfeeling as they must be. Their jobs are to stage modern-day human sacrifices. There’s no room for bleeding hearts here — except for the ones being ripped out on the lab’s monitors.

It’s hard to imagine, given the ending, how a sequel to “Cabin” could happen, but I guess a prequel is possible. What’s more likely is the Internet will fill up with speculation/fan fiction set in the world in which “Cabin” takes place that will fill in the backstory of the lab and its workers, how their system was set up and maintained and how it otherwise interacted with the outside world. Do the lab workers commute? Is the lab government-sponsored?

The lab workers, who also include Amy Acker and Tom Lenk from Whedon’s “Buffy” and “Angel,” are perfectly cast and always believable.

The archetype young people offered up for sacrifice are likewise terrific. The movie was made a couple of years ago and sat on the shelf not because of its quality but because its original studio, MGM, was having money problems. Since then, Chris Hemsworth (who plays the jock) has become a star as the Marvel comics character “Thor.” He’s got a big summer between this and “The Avengers.” Hemsworth is good and he and his four co-stars — Kristin Connolly, Anna Hutchison, Jesse Williams and Fran Kranz — are well-cast and play their parts perfectly. Kranz, who was in Whedon’s “Dollhouse” TV series, is very Shaggy-reminiscent as the stoner.

Random thoughts:

The sterile, underground labs and monster holding cells of “Cabin” reminded me of the Initiative, the secret military experiment from the fourth season of Whedon’s “Buffy.” Only instead of stocking a compound full of monsters to kill teenagers, the Initiative captured monsters to experiment on them.

Another “Buffy” echo: “Cabin” builds on the idea of thousands of years of human sacrifice to appease evil. Of course in “Buffy,” the Slayers and Watchers were created, thousands of years ago, to fight evil.

I hope someone’s working on a detailed analysis of the whiteboard in the war room that contained all the monsters and scenarios. I tried to read as much of it as I could and caught some of the other threats like “Kevin” — a Jason stand-in, possibly? — but I would love to see everything that was up there.

Do you think the monsters in the movie were supposed to be real in their world? Or were they created, “inspired” by old horror tales and movies? Or does — as one clever person I know suggested — “Cabin” take place in the same world as all those old horror movies, finally taking us behind the scenes of Jason, Michael Myers, Freddy and all the rest?

“Cabin” is, for those with strong hearts and stomachs, cool, geeky fun. Maybe best of all, it made me want to re-watch “Buffy” episodes and some favorite recent horror movies.

‘Night of the Comet,’ ‘Buffy,’ Black Widow: Butt-kicking heroines

With “The Avengers” coming up on May 4, it’s interesting to note that one of the first clips from the movie officially released, a couple of weeks ago, was one of Black Widow, the non-superpowered, female member of that particular boys club, easily escaping from some bad guys and demolishing them in the process.

It’s a pretty good action scene, if mild compared to what we’ve subsequently seen involving Thor, Iron Man and particularly the Hulk.

But there was some nice symmetry to the clip’s release considering that “The Avengers” was directed by Joss Whedon, creator of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

There’s been some backlash to Whedon’s signature use of petite female characters as ass-kicking heroines, including Buffy and other slayers from that series and “Angel” as well as River, the programmed killing machine in “Firefly.”

But it’s interesting to note that Whedon has cited in at least one interview “Night of the Comet” as one of the influences on the creation of “Buffy” the lame movie and terrific 1997-2003 TV series.

Not long after the series ended, Whedon told IGN:

So, you know, when I hit on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it was right around the time when Revenge of the Bimbos, or Attack of the Killer Bimbos or something – there were a lot of movies coming out that were proto-silly ’50s style titles. They were on the video store shelves. I worked at a video store. I would watch them, and I’d be like, “You know what? This is just another bimbo movie. These women aren’t empowered at all. They just made up a funny title.” I was like, “I would like to make a movie that was one of these crappy, low-budget movies, that like the Romero films, had a feminist agenda, had females in it who were people, and had all the fun, all the silliness. Night of the Comet was a big influence. That actually had a cheerleader in it. With a title that would actually make people take it off the video store shelves, because it has to sound silly and not boring. 

“Night of the Comet,” released in 1984, was the story of two Southern California teenagers, sisters Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart), known as Reggie, and Samantha (Kelli Maroney), known as Sam, who survive the end of the world, brought on by global exposure to a comet that reduces most of the world’s population to red dust and turns the rest into zombies.

Reggie and Sam, after a moment of shock and loss, quickly set out to survive in the post-apocalyptic world and connect with other survivors.

Although they’re teenagers — and the movie was released during the “Valley Girl” craze — Reggie and Sam are level-headed, even matter-of-fact, about the end of the world. There’s the customary all-you-can-shop scene, played to “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” set at the mall, but George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead” succumbed to the same idea a few years earlier.

And even though Sam is a cheerleader, the sisters are hardly pushovers. Raised by a career military man, the two quickly find supplies — although Sam is scornful of Reggie’s choice of automatic weapon, noting, “Daddy would have gotten us Uzis” — and are more than capable of defending themselves and other, less capable strays they come across.

Director Thom Eberhardt’s movie is amiably low-budget. You know they filmed the deserted downtown L.A. street scenes on a Sunday morning, for example, and you admire their ingenuity.

Whedon — who I’m pretty sure is an outspoken feminist — is a fan of empowered women. Even if they’re five feet tall and a hundred pounds. As long as they can wield a mean Uzi, kung-fu vampires into the afterlife or hold their own with the likes of Captain America and the Hulk, Whedon believes that size doesn’t matter — and neither does gender.

More new ‘Avengers’ pics, clip

How many more days until May 4?

I told myself I wasn’t gonna do this. But I’m prematurely geeking over “The Avengers.”

It’s not like I’ve been waiting for this movie since I was in elementary school or anything. Not like I’ve been waiting since the first “Iron Man” movie had a hint of, ultimately, the superhero team-up that is “The Avengers.”

Not like the Twitter reaction to this week’s premiere of Joss Whedon’s movie hasn’t been pretty much uniformly praiseworthy.

Not like Marvel didn’t just release a quick clip of Cap and Thor fighting aliens.

Not like I didn’t just read my first review of the movie. I’m not even going to link to it. The review gives too much away.

Sigh.

Twenty days.